I worked as a church secretary for a few years after my divorce. The pay was minimal, but my daughters attended the daycare free of charge. I was a brand-new Christian, healing from the wounds of my divorce. A friend aptly described it as God ripping out the faulty foundation and laying a new, solid foundation. I was trying to figure out who I was, where I belonged, and what He wanted me to do with my life. I was also going through a country music phase, and my favorite artist was Garth Brooks.
It was in the day care that I met "Lou". He was a single father whose youngest daughter was enrolled in the after school program of the day care. He was so handsome, charming, successful, established, dressed well, and smelled wonderful. His daughter was the same age and in the same grade as one of my daughters, and they quickly became friends. The girls spent much of their free time together, which meant that Lou and I interacted often. We developed a friendship separate from the girls. I was strongly attracted to Lou, but put off by his series of short-term romances. He occasionally sought my opinion when a relationship began, and sometimes wanted consolation when a relationship ended. There was always a strong physical attraction, but I mistakenly thought I was immune to his charms.
A few years passed. My life was in upheaval after a series of unfortunate events. I was more vulnerable than I wanted to admit. Lou had just been dumped after another whirlwind courtship and engagement. He became a frequent visitor to my office and called me often at home. He was always flirtatious, but it seemed as if he was focusing all his attentions on me. I was flattered, and I fell for it. He was amazingly attentive, said all the right things. While shopping at a store, I commented on a coffee mug I liked. The next day he delivered the coffee mug to me, beautifully packaged. He knew that I liked Garth Brooks. For Valentine's Day, he presented me with two tickets to see Garth Brooks in concert. He told me he was falling for me, and wanted to take our friendship to the next level. His affection and attention were intoxicating, and I deluded myself with thinking that he really cared about me. I was sure that our romance would be different. I ignored all the inner (and outer) warnings. My close friends were concerned, and tried to warn me that I was headed for a heartbreak.
The night of the concert was another magical evening with Lou. The concert was in a neighboring state and ended late. Instead of driving home, he suggested we stay at a hotel and drive home in the morning. Despite the alarms going off in my head, I agreed. That's all I will say about that.
The next morning we left the hotel and began the two hour drive home. I sensed a shift in his personality, a coldness. He quickly began to distance himself emotionally from me, and I saw a most unpleasant side of his personality that I had never seen before. It was as if he was finally free to be who he really was, and it was quite ugly. It was as if my prince was showing me he really had a toad's heart. I was shocked, but more than that, I was ashamed of myself. I had dramatically lowered my standards and allowed myself to believe the lies. I knew better! I had seen this dude in action! I felt as if I had no one but myself to blame. He dropped me off at my apartment, and I did not hear from him again for weeks.
"If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
When he did call, he asked me to meet him for dinner. His charming facade was back, but I was no longer under his spell. He told me he really cared for me, but he was still in pain over the loss of his prior relationship, and therefore not ready to begin a new one with me. I had already determined that I would never open my heart to this creep again. I played along, and told him I completely understood. I was seething with anger, but I never let it show. I could tell he was confused by my response, and even tried to act as if he was conflicted over his decision. He made several attempts at physical affection, but I was not having it. I told him that would not be fair to either one of us. It was as if the blinders were off, and I could see him clearly. I think he wanted me to react differently, and didn't know how to handle it when I didn't. I had allowed myself to care, to love, and I was now heartbroken. I was also ashamed and embarrassed that I had so freely lowered my standards and abandoned my beliefs for this guy. It took time to heal from those wounds. Our daughters were still friends, so there were sleepovers, concerts, etc. But after we moved away, the girls lost touch, and so did we.
Now to the reason I am posting this:
I saw him two days ago at the grocery store. I was shocked to see how dramatically he had changed. He is not the same attractive, handsome, charming guy. He has a grizzled appearance. There are bags and dark circles under his eyes, and he has a haunted, hollow look in his eyes. I don't know if I would have recognized him. It wasn't until he spoke that I realized who he was. I said hello, and kept walking. The past fourteen years have not been kind to him. What happened? It's as if his outer self has caught up with what was already inside. The transformation from prince to toad is now complete.
I have thought of this encounter often over the past couple of days. I still love Garth Brooks' music, and the song "Unanswered Prayers" is appropriate for this situation. At the time, I thought that Lou was the perfect guy, ideal for me. Wow. Thank You, Lord. You always know what You are doing.
The title "Unanswered Prayers" is not entirely correct. God always answers prayers. Sometimes He says no. I love it when God shows me why He answers "NO". Thanks again for Your perfect will, and for giving me the gift of perspective.
